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That is, stupid. Very, very stupid. Loot corpses! Contemplate the horror of a civilization in collapse! Tame adorable raccoons!

It's nice of the zombies to engage you in a Pokemon battle before attempting to gnaw your skull open, but that also goes to show how awkward it is to force zombies into the Pokemon world.

It's not inherently weird to make Pokemon scary. The games do have some dark moments and clever urban legends.

But in a classic example of "If less is more, think how much more more would be," there isn't just the zombie apocalypse, but also a demon invasion, murder, drunkenness, human sacrifice, an inquisition, suicide, and the literal Four Horsemen.

Instead of making a single cohesive Pokemon horror game, they somehow made every Pokemon horror game at once. By the time you've fought your th Pokemon that's a bird, but like, with blood and guts on it, the novelty has long worn off.

By the time you're doing battle with Pestilence, the whole affair feels like a bizarre fever dream. The further you get into Snakewood, the more it reinforces how misguided its premise is, because with every decapitation, you desperately want to catch a cuddly Jigglypuff just to end the monotony.

Every encounter is like if Jason Vorhees busted down your door, threw your best friend's head at your feet, and then politely challenged you to a game of chess.

For some of those original fans I mentioned earlier, the games still serve as escapism, something fun to dabble in as a break from dreary adulthood.

But others want to see a serious prestige drama aesthetic applied to the goofy Pokemon world. Which is how you end up with Pokemon Reborn , a game about collecting cartoon monsters that opens with terrorists blowing up a train.

A suspect is immediately arrested, then tortured by the police with the aid of their Pokemon, because this is a serious world where serious things happen.

Reborn is ambitious and, to the credit of its creators, an impressive technical achievement. But it would also be an impressive technical achievement to edit Pikachu into the background of Blade Runner, and that wouldn't make it any less stupid to hear a cute yellow rabbit cry "Pika!

Reborn is set in a city called, uh, Reborn City, described by its creators as a place where "Black smog and acidic water garnish the crumbling structures along the skyline.

City streets fest [sic] like alleys with disaster and crime. But the metropolis stands, a decaying blemish on the once-vibrant region.

Then your rival immediately shows up to mock the suicide, which is the logical next step from the old rival catchphrase of "Smell ya later! Reborn sports more characters and plot twists than Game Of Thrones.

Climate change has devastated the planet, Pokemon are on the verge of extinction, and some have been genetically modified into weapons of mass destruction.

There are doomsday cults, child abuse, drugs, prostitution, profanity, brainwashing, terminal illnesses, and evil doctors. Throughout all of this, you have to stop a bunch of evildoers from somehow making the dyspokeia worse with their plan to reshape the Universe by manipulating a PokeGod.

That last part has actually been a plot in the series before , but at least in Pokemon Platinum you could save our dimension and then not have to worry about dealing with, like, a dozen hostage situations.

It's all very "serious," but serious in the sense of "True Art must be relentlessly bleak and dour, just like we think reality is literally all the time.

We're dealing with climate change and terrorism now, and society continues to march on as people go about their day, doing good things to counteract the bad.

Having everyone in a previously lighthearted fantasy world be either miserable or cruel is like writing a story about Dora the Explorer becoming a serial killer.

Yes, you've subverted expectations, but what exactly have you proved? Anyway, here's a an evil Magmortar throwing a Medicham into a volcano:.

Moemon is identical to Pokemon FireRed save one subtle difference. Can you spot it? Yes, this is a game in which all the Pokemon are anime girls.

Many of them retain various monstrous traits, but don't worry, they all have tits! Here's a five-year, page forum discussion about its many nuances.

So this is a game about capturing a collection of human women, and maybe occasionally letting them out of their magical prisons for a breath of fresh air.

Take every joke you've ever heard about Pokemon being dogfighting, or slavery, or animal cruelty, and apply it to people.

People who are all, in a staggering coincidence, petite young women. Hey, you can even buy some human women from Team Rocket, who I guess are just slave traders now.

At least they all keep their clothes on and the player can't do anything inappropriate to them Well, great.

Then it's a lighthearted revision of Pokemon for people who want to have sex with quasi-sentient animals but don't want that to be too weird.

The game is billed as cute and innocent and wholesome, and it's not like the people who are playing it actually intend to capture real women, if only because they lack the requisite upper body strength.

But the concept is just And to explain that, go ahead and imagine what the backlash would be like if a woman released a Pokemon game in which all the Pokemon were shirtless dudes with prominent crotch bulges and everyone talked about how cute they were to oppress.

Meanwhile, people write things like "While commonly accepted by the fanbase as one of the sexiest Pokemon I guess what I'm saying is that this game accidentally has more social commentary than the one with all the torture.

Mark is on Twitter and wrote a book. Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers.

If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

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For some of those original fans I mentioned earlier, the games still serve as escapism, something fun to dabble in as a break from dreary adulthood.

But others want to see a serious prestige drama aesthetic applied to the goofy Pokemon world. Which is how you end up with Pokemon Reborn , a game about collecting cartoon monsters that opens with terrorists blowing up a train.

A suspect is immediately arrested, then tortured by the police with the aid of their Pokemon, because this is a serious world where serious things happen.

Reborn is ambitious and, to the credit of its creators, an impressive technical achievement. But it would also be an impressive technical achievement to edit Pikachu into the background of Blade Runner, and that wouldn't make it any less stupid to hear a cute yellow rabbit cry "Pika!

Reborn is set in a city called, uh, Reborn City, described by its creators as a place where "Black smog and acidic water garnish the crumbling structures along the skyline.

City streets fest [sic] like alleys with disaster and crime. But the metropolis stands, a decaying blemish on the once-vibrant region.

Then your rival immediately shows up to mock the suicide, which is the logical next step from the old rival catchphrase of "Smell ya later!

Reborn sports more characters and plot twists than Game Of Thrones. Climate change has devastated the planet, Pokemon are on the verge of extinction, and some have been genetically modified into weapons of mass destruction.

There are doomsday cults, child abuse, drugs, prostitution, profanity, brainwashing, terminal illnesses, and evil doctors.

Throughout all of this, you have to stop a bunch of evildoers from somehow making the dyspokeia worse with their plan to reshape the Universe by manipulating a PokeGod.

That last part has actually been a plot in the series before , but at least in Pokemon Platinum you could save our dimension and then not have to worry about dealing with, like, a dozen hostage situations.

It's all very "serious," but serious in the sense of "True Art must be relentlessly bleak and dour, just like we think reality is literally all the time.

We're dealing with climate change and terrorism now, and society continues to march on as people go about their day, doing good things to counteract the bad.

Having everyone in a previously lighthearted fantasy world be either miserable or cruel is like writing a story about Dora the Explorer becoming a serial killer.

Yes, you've subverted expectations, but what exactly have you proved? Anyway, here's a an evil Magmortar throwing a Medicham into a volcano:.

Moemon is identical to Pokemon FireRed save one subtle difference. Can you spot it? Yes, this is a game in which all the Pokemon are anime girls.

Many of them retain various monstrous traits, but don't worry, they all have tits! Here's a five-year, page forum discussion about its many nuances.

So this is a game about capturing a collection of human women, and maybe occasionally letting them out of their magical prisons for a breath of fresh air.

Take every joke you've ever heard about Pokemon being dogfighting, or slavery, or animal cruelty, and apply it to people. People who are all, in a staggering coincidence, petite young women.

Hey, you can even buy some human women from Team Rocket, who I guess are just slave traders now. At least they all keep their clothes on and the player can't do anything inappropriate to them Well, great.

Then it's a lighthearted revision of Pokemon for people who want to have sex with quasi-sentient animals but don't want that to be too weird.

The game is billed as cute and innocent and wholesome, and it's not like the people who are playing it actually intend to capture real women, if only because they lack the requisite upper body strength.

But the concept is just And to explain that, go ahead and imagine what the backlash would be like if a woman released a Pokemon game in which all the Pokemon were shirtless dudes with prominent crotch bulges and everyone talked about how cute they were to oppress.

Meanwhile, people write things like "While commonly accepted by the fanbase as one of the sexiest Pokemon I guess what I'm saying is that this game accidentally has more social commentary than the one with all the torture.

Mark is on Twitter and wrote a book. Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

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3 Comments

  1. Dikazahn Voshicage

    Ich bin endlich, ich tue Abbitte, aber es kommt mir nicht ganz heran.

  2. Mauzil Turisar

    Ich denke, dass Sie den Fehler zulassen. Geben Sie wir werden es besprechen.

  3. Dugal Maladal

    Solchen hörte nicht

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